Monday, October 8, 2018

• SOMETIMES YOU NEED A FRIEND TO CHALLENGE YOU. GET A PARTNER.


Get a friend to help you.  That is, sometimes it’s best to have a friend who can challenge what you’re feeling.  You’ve got to have a pretty close friend to do that. 

 

Have you given anybody in your life the permission to challenge your feelings?  Or does everybody have to be a yes-man or a yes-woman to you?  You feel a certain way and there’s no room for “Are you sure?” Are you sure that’s a correct understanding?  A true friend is somebody you give permission to say, Are you sure about that?  You give them the ability to challenge your emotion and say, “Henry, I don’t think you’re thinking correctly right now.  I don’t think what you’re feeling is actually true…”

 

Job had a friend like that.  His name was Eliphaz.  In Job 15:12 Eliphaz asked Job “Why has your heart carried you away, and why do your eyes flash?”  That’s a poetic way of saying, how come you’ve run off the deep end?  Why do you get so angry? 

 

Do you have anybody who can ask you that question and you wouldn’t get mad at them?  You know they’re doing it out of love.  You need partners in your life.  You need not only a small group – that’s a good place to find them – but you need a spiritual partner.  Not a lot, just one person who you’ve given the right to challenge what you’re feeling and say, “I don’t think you’re thinking correctly.  That’s not right.  Why do you go off the deep end on this?  Why are you getting so angry about it?” Give somebody that permission.

 

Ask three questions.

 

Let me give you three questions to ask about your own emotions when you’re trying to figure out how to deal with how you feel.  Let’s say you’re angry or you’re upset or you’re irritated or you’re frustrated or you’re depressed or whatever, you ask these three questions:

 

1.  What’s the real reason that I’m feeling this?  Maybe it’s fear.  Maybe it’s worry.  Maybe it’s hooked into something your dad said to you years and years and years ago and when your husband said it to you all of a sudden, he gets all the wrath that you pent up against your dad.  Or vice versa.

 

What’s the real reason I’m feeling this?

 

The second question to ask yourself….

 

2.  Is it true?  Is what I’m feeling right now true?  There’s a point where Elijah in the Bible gets so down, discouraged, depressed.  He comes crying to God and he’s complaining and he says, “God, I’m the only one in the entire nation of Israel left serving you.”  And God challenges him, are you kidding me?  I’ve got all these people who are still serving me! Why are you acting like this?  You’re acting like you’re the only one trying to do the right thing in the whole world!  No. That’s not true. 

 

So what’s the real reason I feel this way?  In that case he was tired.  And is it true?  In that case it wasn’t true.

 

The third question – and this one is real important…

 

3.  Is what I’m feeling helping me or hurting me?  Sometimes this is the simplest thing to changing an emotion by simply saying is what I’m feeling right now going to help me get what I want to get or is it actually going to hinder me getting what I want?  In other words, will I get what I want by continuing to feel this way?  A lot of feelings we have feel natural but they’re actually self-defeating.

 

For instance: Let’s say you go in and you sit down in a restaurant and the service is slow.  And I mean it’s slow.  You’re waiting and you’re waiting and you’re waiting and waiting to be served.  Then a couple comes in like fifteen minutes after you and sits down and they get their meal before you do.  And you look at your wife, are you seeing this?  Are you watching this?  You’re starting to get a little irritated and all of a sudden you feel an emotion welling up inside of you. 

 

You go, what’s the real reason I’m feeling those?  I’m hungry!

 

Is it true?  Yeah, it’s true.  I’m frustrated because the service is slow here.  That is particularly true.

 

But then, is it helping or is it hurting?  Question: Do you get better service by getting angry at the waitress?  No.  Absolutely not. 

 

So, it feels good to get angry like, I came to this place!!! Blah, blah, blah, blah!  You may feel better but you just got worse service.  It’s usually the exact opposite of what you want. 

 

The chief of police in Long Beach was saying, teaching, We teach our cops in a crisis you lower your voice, not raise it. Naturally in a crisis you want to raise your voice.  But that’s just going to escalate the problem.  Escalate it.

 

So, you ask yourself is this emotion actually getting me where I want to go?

 

Let’s say you want to change your husband or your kids or your wife or somebody who works with you.  Does nagging work?  Has it ever worked?  Anywhere?  Does nagging work on you?  When somebody comes and tells you all the things you’re doing wrong, doesn’t that just make you want to change?  No!  All it does is make you defensive. 

 

So you need to ask yourself, I know I’m, frustrated right now with this person in my life but is expressing my frustration at them going to actually make a change and I get what I want out of this?  No, it’s not. 

 

That’s called managing your emotions. 

 


 

How does that happen?  How do you let the Holy Spirit change an emotion that’s hurting you and hurting other people in your life?  Let me give you two final suggestions.  Two starter suggestions:

 

1.  Every day ask God to fill you with his Spirit. 

 

Every single day.  Don’t get out of bed.  Don’t touch the ground without saying, “Holy Spirit, fill me today.  I need your Spirit in my life.  Because it’s not by might or by power, not willpower but by your Spirit I’m going to be able to manage my moods and my emotions today.” 

 

Galatians 5:22-23 says this “When the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, [We could stop right there.  I’ll just take those three!  My life would be a whole lot better if my life were filled with joy, love and peace.  Wouldn’t yours?  But there’s nine of them here!  Nine fruit of the Spirit.  Love, joy and peace…] patience [anybody need that one?] kindness [You are kind when the Holy Spirit fills your life.  When you’re unkind there’s no way the Holy Spirit is filling your life.  The Holy Spirit does not motivate unkindness.], goodness, faithfulness, gentleness [you’re gentle when you’re filled with the Holy Spirit.  You’re gentle with kids, you’re gentle with your spouse, you’re gentle with your customers], and [notice the last one] self-control [circle that one].”      Self-control comes from God control. 

 

Self-control comes from God control.  The more I let God control my mind and emotions the more self-control I have.  I don’t become a religious nut.  I become more self-controlled.  A lot of people think, “If I let the Holy Spirit fill my life they’re going to turn me into some nut, a religious fanatic.”  No.  If you let the Holy Spirit fill your life you get more self-control than you’re ever had in your life. 

 

That’s a good thing.

 

It says when the Holy Spirit controls your life he fills you with this.  When you’re filled with love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness, meekness, self control then that’s a whole lot better than being filled with anger, worry, fear, guilt, shame, worry and all these other things. 

 

So what about it?  When you’re put under pressure at work, at home or anywhere else do you know what comes out of you?  Whatever is inside of you.  And if you’re filled with worry, fear, doubt, loneliness, envy, jealousy, bitterness, gossip when the world puts on pressure you know what’s going to come out?  Worry, fear, doubt, anger, ego, and all those things.

 

But when you’re filled with the Spirit and the world puts pressure on you what’s going to come out?  Love, joy, peace, patience….

 

If I take a bottle of shampoo and I squeeze that bottle what comes out?  Shampoo.  If I take a tube of toothpaste and I squeeze it what comes out?  Toothpaste.  Peanut butter doesn’t come out; toothpaste comes out.  Why?  Because whatever is in it comes out when it’s under pressure.

 

That’s true of your life.  Whatever is in you comes out when you’re under pressure.  When I’m full of myself almost anything can tick me off.  When I’m full of God, nothing can tick me off.  I’m filled with love and joy and peace.  It doesn’t matter what happens; I can handle it.  This is nothing.  I can just handle anything. 

 

So whatever is inside of you is going to come out.  So the first key to managing emotions is to be filled with the Spirit so you’re full of love and joy.  If you’ve got a cup of coffee and you shake it, whatever is going to come out is what’s in it.  Be filled with the Spirit.  And that’s what’s going to come out in your emotions.

 


 

You knew I was going to get to this one!  Every day I ask God to help me manage my mouth.  I get up in the morning and I say, Lord, put a guard on my mouth.  Zip it up.  The Bible says “In a multitude of words there is sin.”  Proverbs 13:3 says this, “Self control means controlling the tongue.” 

 

There’s a whole chapter in the book of James on the power of your words and your tongue.  It says… A giant horse.  You can have a rider on the horse that weighs one fourth of the horse and yet he’s controlling the horse.  Why?  Because there’s a bit in the horse’s mouth.  And wherever the mouth goes the horse is going.

 

The same is true with you.  The Bible says that your tongue is like the rudder on a big ship.  A little tiny rudder can direct a big ship in any direction.  The tongue is the rudder of your life.  What you say is where you’re going to go.  And you’re not going to experience what God wants you to have until you say what God wants you to say.  So you say, Lord help me to manage my mouth.  

 

Here’s the last key.  Write this down.  Make God’s Word my word. 

 

In other words begin to put the words of the Bible into your mind.  Memorize some verses.  Write them down on little cards and memorize them.  Underline verses in your Bible.  Read the Bible every day.  Listen to the Bible.  Subscribe to Drive Time Devotions.  Get the Word of God in you.  Every day.  Feed yourself on the Word of God.  Then when his Word becomes your Word you’re going to see miracles take place in your life. 

 

Psalm 119:11 says this “I have hidden your word in my heart [What’s your heart?  That’s where your emotions are.] that I might not sin against you.”  And Psalm 19:14 “May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in your sight O Lord.” 

 

Notice the connection between your heart and your mouth.  What’s inside your heart is going to come out of your mouth.  Jesus said, “It’s not what goes in you that makes you unclean; it’s what comes out of you that makes you unclean……” My heart is revealed in my words.  So some of you what you need to say is God I need a heart transplant.  I’ve got a bitter heart.  I’ve got a worried heart.  I’ve got an angry heart.  I’ve got a lonely heart.  I’ve got a prideful heart.  I’ve got an arrogant heart.  God, I’ve had a jealous heart.  I’ve got an envious heart.  I’ve had an impatient heart.  God, I need a heart transplant.”

 

When you say that to God and you say, fill me with your Spirit, he’ll put a new heart inside of you. And when you get a new heart you get new words and your words direct your life. 

 
You might pray, Lord, I know that my feelings are often unreliable.  I don’t want to build my life on feelings; I want to build my life on your truth.  I don’t want to be manipulated by other people.  Or by Satan.  I don’t want to be manipulated even by my own old nature.  But I want to be self-controlled and alert.  More than that, Lord, I want to please you.  I want to do the things that please you.  I want you to be the Lord of my emotions.  I want to succeed in life by being controlled by your will not by my feelings.  So, help me to practice what I’ve just learned this week.  When I start to get upset, when I feel overwhelmed by very strong emotions help me to name it, help me to figure out what am I really feeling and what’s the trigger and what triggered me and why am I feeling this way.  You’ve said in your Word that wisdom gives a man patience.  Help me to understand my emotions.  Where they came from.  Then Lord, help me to challenge my emotions.  To not automatically accept them as the gospel truth.  But to ask is it true and is it helpful and is holding on to this emotion going to get me the result I need?  Help me to realize the real reason that I feel what I’m feeling.  And to challenge my emotions and not to just automatically accept them.  Then help me to change or channel what needs to be changed and channel what could be used for good.  Dear God, beginning right now I’m asking you to fill me with your Holy Spirit.  I want my life to be filled with love and not hate.  With peace not, chaos.  With joy not sorrow.  With patience not, impatience.  Lord, I want to be kind.  Fill me with goodness.  Fill me with faith.  Fill me with gentleness.  Fill me with self-control.  Help me to develop the habit of

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