Get a friend to help you. That
is, sometimes it’s best to have a friend who can challenge what you’re
feeling. You’ve got to have a pretty
close friend to do that.
Have you given anybody in your life the permission to challenge your
feelings? Or does everybody have to be a
yes-man or a yes-woman to you? You feel
a certain way and there’s no room for “Are you sure?” Are you sure that’s a
correct understanding? A true friend is
somebody you give permission to say, Are you sure about that? You give them the ability to challenge your
emotion and say, “Henry, I don’t think you’re thinking correctly right
now. I don’t think what you’re feeling
is actually true…”
Job had a friend like that. His
name was Eliphaz. In Job 15:12 Eliphaz
asked Job “Why has
your heart carried you away, and why do your eyes flash?” That’s a poetic way of saying, how come
you’ve run off the deep end? Why do you
get so angry?
Do you have anybody who can ask you that question and you wouldn’t get
mad at them? You know they’re doing it
out of love. You need partners in your
life. You need not only a small group –
that’s a good place to find them – but you need a spiritual partner. Not a lot, just one person who you’ve given
the right to challenge what you’re feeling and say, “I don’t think you’re
thinking correctly. That’s not
right. Why do you go off the deep end on
this? Why are you getting so angry about
it?” Give somebody that permission.
Ask three
questions.
Let me give you three questions to ask about your own emotions when
you’re trying to figure out how to deal with how you feel. Let’s say you’re angry or you’re upset or
you’re irritated or you’re frustrated or you’re depressed or whatever, you ask
these three questions:
1. What’s the real reason that I’m feeling this?
Maybe it’s fear. Maybe it’s worry. Maybe it’s hooked into something your dad
said to you years and years and years ago and when your husband said it to you
all of a sudden, he gets all the wrath that you pent up against your dad. Or vice versa.
What’s the real reason I’m feeling this?
The second question to ask yourself….
2. Is it true?
Is
what I’m feeling right now true? There’s
a point where Elijah in the Bible gets so down, discouraged, depressed. He comes crying to God and he’s complaining
and he says, “God, I’m the only one in the entire nation of Israel left serving
you.” And God challenges him, are you
kidding me? I’ve got all these people
who are still serving me! Why are you acting like this? You’re acting like you’re the only one trying
to do the right thing in the whole world!
No. That’s not true.
So what’s the real reason I feel this way? In that case he was tired. And is it true? In that case it wasn’t true.
The third question – and this one is real important…
3. Is what I’m feeling helping me or hurting
me? Sometimes this is the simplest thing to
changing an emotion by simply saying is what I’m feeling right now going to
help me get what I want to get or is it actually going to hinder me getting
what I want? In other words, will I get
what I want by continuing to feel this way?
A lot of feelings we have feel natural but they’re actually self-defeating.
For instance: Let’s say you go in and you sit down in a restaurant and
the service is slow. And I mean it’s
slow. You’re waiting and you’re waiting
and you’re waiting and waiting to be served.
Then a couple comes in like fifteen minutes after you and sits down and
they get their meal before you do. And
you look at your wife, are you seeing this?
Are you watching this? You’re
starting to get a little irritated and all of a sudden you feel an emotion
welling up inside of you.
You go, what’s the real reason I’m feeling those? I’m hungry!
Is it true? Yeah, it’s
true. I’m frustrated because the service
is slow here. That is particularly true.
But then, is it helping or is it hurting? Question: Do you get better service by
getting angry at the waitress? No. Absolutely not.
So, it feels good to get angry like, I came to this place!!! Blah,
blah, blah, blah! You may feel better
but you just got worse service. It’s
usually the exact opposite of what you want.
The chief of police in Long Beach was saying, teaching, We teach our
cops in a crisis you lower your voice, not raise it. Naturally in a crisis you
want to raise your voice. But that’s
just going to escalate the problem.
Escalate it.
So, you ask yourself is this emotion actually getting me where I want
to go?
Let’s say you want to change your husband or your kids or your wife or
somebody who works with you. Does
nagging work? Has it ever worked? Anywhere?
Does nagging work on you? When
somebody comes and tells you all the things you’re doing wrong, doesn’t that
just make you want to change? No! All it does is make you defensive.
So you need to ask yourself, I know I’m, frustrated right now with this
person in my life but is expressing my frustration at them going to actually
make a change and I get what I want out of this? No, it’s not.
That’s called managing your emotions.
How does that
happen? How do you let the Holy Spirit
change an emotion that’s hurting you and hurting other people in your
life? Let me give you two final
suggestions. Two starter suggestions:
1. Every day ask
God to fill you with his Spirit.
Every single day. Don’t get out
of bed. Don’t touch the ground without saying,
“Holy Spirit, fill me today. I need your
Spirit in my life. Because it’s not by
might or by power, not willpower but by your Spirit I’m going to be able to
manage my moods and my emotions today.”
Galatians 5:22-23 says this “When the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce
this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, [We could stop right there. I’ll just take those three! My life would be a whole lot better if my
life were filled with joy, love and peace.
Wouldn’t yours? But there’s nine
of them here! Nine fruit of the
Spirit. Love, joy and peace…] patience [anybody need
that one?] kindness [You are kind
when the Holy Spirit fills your life.
When you’re unkind there’s no way the Holy Spirit is filling your life. The Holy Spirit does not motivate
unkindness.],
goodness, faithfulness, gentleness [you’re gentle when you’re filled with
the Holy Spirit. You’re gentle with
kids, you’re gentle with your spouse, you’re gentle with your customers], and [notice the last one] self-control [circle that one].”
Self-control comes from God control.
Self-control comes from God control.
The more I let God control my mind and emotions the more self-control I
have. I don’t become a religious
nut. I become more self-controlled. A lot of people think, “If I let the Holy
Spirit fill my life they’re going to turn me into some nut, a religious
fanatic.” No. If you let the Holy Spirit fill your life you
get more self-control than you’re ever had in your life.
That’s a good thing.
It says when the Holy Spirit controls your life he fills you with
this. When you’re filled with love, joy,
peace, patience, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness, meekness, self control
then that’s a whole lot better than being filled with anger, worry, fear,
guilt, shame, worry and all these other things.
So what about it? When you’re put under pressure at work, at home or
anywhere else do you know what comes out of you? Whatever is inside of you. And if you’re filled with worry, fear,
doubt, loneliness, envy, jealousy, bitterness, gossip when the world puts on
pressure you know what’s going to come out?
Worry, fear, doubt, anger, ego, and all those things.
But when you’re filled with the Spirit and the world puts pressure on
you what’s going to come out? Love, joy,
peace, patience….
If I take a bottle of shampoo and I squeeze that bottle what comes
out? Shampoo. If I take a tube of toothpaste and I squeeze
it what comes out? Toothpaste. Peanut butter doesn’t come out; toothpaste
comes out. Why? Because whatever is in it comes out when it’s
under pressure.
That’s true of your life. Whatever is in you comes out when you’re under
pressure. When I’m full of myself almost
anything can tick me off. When I’m full
of God, nothing can tick me off. I’m
filled with love and joy and peace. It
doesn’t matter what happens; I can handle it.
This is nothing. I can just
handle anything.
So whatever is inside of you is going to come out. So the first key to managing emotions is to
be filled with the Spirit so you’re full of love and joy. If you’ve got a cup of coffee and you shake
it, whatever is going to come out is what’s in it. Be filled with the Spirit. And that’s what’s going to come out in your
emotions.
You knew I was going to get to this one! Every day I ask God to help me manage my
mouth. I get up in the morning and I
say, Lord, put a guard on my mouth. Zip
it up. The Bible says “In a multitude of words there is
sin.” Proverbs 13:3 says this, “Self control means controlling
the tongue.”
There’s a whole chapter in the book of James on the power of your words
and your tongue. It says… A giant horse. You can have a rider on the horse that weighs
one fourth of the horse and yet he’s controlling the horse. Why?
Because there’s a bit in the horse’s mouth. And wherever the mouth goes the horse is
going.
The same is true with you. The
Bible says that your tongue is like the rudder on a big ship. A little tiny rudder can direct a big ship in
any direction. The tongue is the rudder
of your life. What you say is where
you’re going to go. And you’re not going
to experience what God wants you to have until you say what God wants you to
say. So you say, Lord help me to manage
my mouth.
Here’s the last key. Write this
down. Make God’s Word my word.
In other words begin to put the words of the Bible into your mind. Memorize some verses. Write them down on little cards and memorize
them. Underline verses in your
Bible. Read the Bible every day. Listen to the Bible. Subscribe to Drive Time Devotions. Get the Word of God in you. Every day.
Feed yourself on the Word of God.
Then when his Word becomes your Word you’re going to see miracles take
place in your life.
Psalm 119:11 says this “I have hidden your word in my heart [What’s your heart? That’s where your emotions are.] that I might not sin against
you.” And Psalm 19:14 “May the words of my mouth and the
meditations of my heart be pleasing in your sight O Lord.”
Notice the connection between your heart and your mouth. What’s inside your
heart is going to come out of your mouth.
Jesus said, “It’s not what goes in you that makes you unclean; it’s what
comes out of you that makes you unclean……” My heart is revealed in my
words. So some of you what you need to
say is God I need a heart transplant.
I’ve got a bitter heart. I’ve got
a worried heart. I’ve got an angry
heart. I’ve got a lonely heart. I’ve got a prideful heart. I’ve got an arrogant heart. God, I’ve had a jealous heart. I’ve got an envious heart. I’ve had an impatient heart. God, I need a heart transplant.”
When you say that to God and you say, fill me with your Spirit, he’ll
put a new heart inside of you. And when you get a new heart you get new words
and your words direct your life.
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